Three People

I've been trying to get out and experience people, because I've spent too much time not doing it. This is the story of one day I spent doing so.

Well, God has me learning the lesson of being sent to help people. It's a very important lesson, particularly for someone who wants to do the things that I want to do. So today I left the house, without plans to go anywhere in particular. Almost as soon as i pulled out onto reynolds i saw this homeless person across the street. they were acting odd, leaning up against a pole, appearing distressed. And it was as if God tapped me on the shoulder and said "Go help that person." i swung into a nearby mcdonalds parking lot, and there watched them for a minute or two. I'll say now that it was a woman, though I really couldn't tell, that was embarrassing. Anyway, after watching her for a bit, and struggling with my cynical side which claimed that this person was probably a drug addict and would ask me for money to get a fix, I decided to just go and see about the matter myself. I walked across the empty parking lot where southwyck used to be. When i got closer she asked if I could help her, I replied that perhaps i could. She wanted help pushing her two shopping carts full of stuff for a ways. I helped her push them down to walgreens, which was a little over a block. It had seemed at first like she was distressed, when i watched her from a distance she wasn't really moving, perhaps she'd given up, i don't know. But anyway, along the way we got on the subject of God. She said she doesn't have anything in life, but her and God walking together all along the way. we had a delightful talk, and I tried to comfort her as best as i could. It seems i was successful, I like to think that I gave her the courage to face another day. But in a way i received something too, the courage to be sent into the lives of others, and the belief that it works out. She said when she saw me walking toward her across the parking lot, it was like God said "There's someone who will help you push your carts." And to me that's truly amazing, a small miracle in itself, that He was working on both ends. I just wish I could have done more.

Her name was Christy, and she's the first of the three people I met today.


The second was a college student named Katie. I met her at georgette's grounds & gifts. She was there with her 3yo daughter and another baby. We happened to be together in line, and i had my most recent painting with me. She saw it and asked if it was my work, i told her it was. So we got into this conversation about art, which was really great and interesting. She's a student at owens, pursuing a degree in art education. She's actually working on a project right now that's supposed to be textured. So she wanted to know some of my techniques. I explained a few ideas and mediums i used, like potpourri, hot glue, and candle wax. She was particularly intrigued by candle wax, and said she'd never thought of it before. I explained how you got me started painting, just doing it to experiment, see what it becomes. I think that's why I've been satisfied with my work, because each piece has been an experience and a discovery. So, i encouraged her to just experiment more, play around and see what the piece becomes. Katie said she doesn't do that very much. Hopefully, this will encourage her to really try out and discover her own style and niche. We wished each other well in our future artistic endeavors, and parted ways.

So that's the second of three people I met today. Slightly less spiritual than the first, but altogether a good human experience. It gives me hope every time i meet another good person. Just to get out there, and experience people.


After leaving the coffee shop I walked the streets of the maumee village area. it was a sunny day, with wind, the weather was really perfect. a few blocks from the main street i found this large church, think it was Presbyterian, and one of the doors was cracked open. Something told me to go inside, so i did. Within, i heard voices, so i walked down a hallway to a flight of stairs. i ran into this guy, told him i didn't mean to intrude but that their door was open. He was very friendly, introduced himself as Morris. he asked if i was looking for a home church, i explained that i wasn't. I told him how i believe that one should be a member at the church that God puts them in, he agreed. We had a lovely conversation about God, salvation, different beliefs. It was really cool.

He explained how large churches, such as those with thousands of members, are really meant to draw in people who are not living correct spiritual lives and walking after Christ. And that the ideal is for them to come to the services simply as an introduction, and then become part of a smaller study group of people close to them or in their family, because in large groups there's no sense of accountability, or being a part of something. i had never thought about mega churches that way before. Of course,there are many who don't do that, and all they can do is offer it as an option. i guess its like with any church, there are those who really live it, and there are those who just float in from time to time and don't really get involved. but i hadn't realized before how a person could feel involved in a church that size. Of course, i still prefer what I've got, but it was an enlightening discussion. He also said that he knows of a few good southern baptist churches around here, and even offered to pick me up and take me to one if I wanted. I think i'll do that sometime. If nothing else, i might find a good place nearby to visit occasionally. As well as meet some good spiritual people that live close enough to socialize with regularly.

After i left there i went down through a grass field to a trail by the river that i had discovered a few days ago but never really walked. once again, it was a beautiful day, and there were many little offturns that went down by the water, stone benches to sit at and contemplate. the trail ended in less than a mile, at a small park with areas that poked out into a peninsula and overlooked the river. It was truly a beautiful little park, and a delight to discover. I actually said to myself "You just discovered Old Canal Park." lol, I'm such an elder scrolls nerd.

So that's the story of my day. It began with no real direction or intention, and ended up being quite a delight. Of course, I suspect that was all deliberate, even if I had no idea.

Lullabies

This is his song.

Order and Chaos

Order (n):  
1. a state in which all components or elements are arranged logically, comprehensibly, or naturally

Chaos (n): 

1. a state of utter confusion or disorder; a total lack of organization or order.

3. the infinity of space or formless matter supposed to have preceded the existence of the ordered universe.

System (n):

1. an assemblage or combination of things or parts forming a complex or unitary whole

Fragments  of order exist in any system of chaos, fragments of chaos exist in any system of order. Any ordered system has the potential to become a chaotic system, and vice versa.

But what is the difference between order and chaos? What defines a given situation to be ordered, and another situation to be chaotic? The answer is, like so many other things, human perception. I don't really know much about Chaos Theory. I think I tried to understand it once, and it was a bit over my head. Of course, I didn't try really hard. Anyway, I propose that it is simply the human equation which differentiates between order and chaos. So that the only question which matters is this: Is the universe ultimately an ordered system or a chaotic one? The answer to that question is too vast to be tested or theorized about scientifically. It is therefor a matter of personal belief, and in fact a religious question, not a scientific one. But then again, what separates religion from science? Human perception.

Nevertheless, let's explore each of these two potential answers.

First, let's consider the implications of an ultimately ordered system of existence. That would imply that there was a higher order to the universe that we as human beings are incapable of understanding. A system that is ultimately logical and comprehensible. That would furthermore imply that the universe has to be comprehensible to a being. Because in order for the universe to be an ultimately ordered place, there must be some being which can recognize and comprehend the entire existence of the universe as logical. Because if it is conscious perception that defines a system to be ordered or chaotic, then an ultimately ordered universe must be completely understood by some being who perceives the system of order and defines it is such. I believe this being identifies himself as God.  Now, God is omnipotent, He has all power. That means, that there is literally nothing God is unable to do. Some silly people argue that God cannot be omnipotent because He does not have the power to do something like create a rock to heavy for Him to lift. Of course those people haven't considered that without God's will there is no such thing as weight, gravity, or mass anyway. But that's another topic. So, God is omnipotent, and the universe is ultimately an ordered place. That means, that all chaos is just a human label for an order that is too complex for us to understand. And that in fact chaos and order are not polar opposites or mutually exclusive. A given system can be both ordered and chaotic, based upon the given ability of an observer to understand the nature of the system and those systems directly affected by it. One person may look at a system and see chaos, another may look at it and see order. As a simple example, I look at this:














And I see chaos. Because I do not have the understanding to perceive the order on that chalkboard. I am not at a level of knowledge where I can comprehend the order, and therefore to me, it is chaos. So what causes the system displayed on that chalkboard to be chaos is not that it is actually chaos, but that I am unable to comprehend the order. It is often said that a given system, particularly a society, will begin in order and degrade into chaos. But I say, that it begins in order, and evolves progressively into an order which is eventually too complex to be understood. Because if the universe is ultimately an ordered place, then chaos is merely an idea that we have. A concept we have created to excuse ourselves from the impossible task of comprehending the full existence of all the universe, all factors and systems in it, down to the behavior of every sub-atomic particle. Something only a Higher Being could do.

Let me think of another example. Say you have a collection of different bottles of paint on a shelf. They are all nicely arranged, spaced evenly apart, ordered and organized by color. The system of paints on the shelf is very orderly. Now, suppose the artist comes along. She begins by selecting out the paint she wants to use for a given painting. She takes the ones she wants, and sets them on the floor next to her easel and canvas. This system is a bit more complicated, and therefor appears to be less organized and orderly, and quickly degrading into chaos. But, suppose the artist has not set the bottles in order of their color because she arranged them on the floor in order of which she intends to use first, to which she intends to use last. So, there is still a sense of order and coherence here, at least for her. Now, she begins. The paints are removed from their orderly bottles, and squirted messily onto a pallet, there to be mixed in various ways, and applied to the canvas. And let's say this particular artist happens to be working on an abstract piece. So, the composition of the painting is very bizarre, the paints do not form specific identifiable shapes. They are not organized at all, they are mixed, brushed, squirted, spread, curved, and ultimately transformed into a very complex and abstract painting which does not appear to be a painting of any identifiable object. Nor does this painting hold specific patterns. But of course, every stroke of the brush was deliberate. To the artist, this painting expresses a particular thought, or emotion, which is very complex, but ultimately if the artist understands this painting, it is no longer a painting of chaos, but becomes an understood and comprehended work of art, therefor a system of order. So despite the appearance of chaos on the canvas, there is actually perfect order and harmony. Now, let us assume, that things become even more complicated. Say, for example, that now a group of children enter the room. And these children are very energetic, and of course the ensuing result is chaos. Paints being thrown all over the place, squirted out onto clothes, or the carpet, or the walls. Paints being smeared, tossed, dropped accidentally. But even in the accidents, and even with all the shouting, every child is doing what they specifically feel driven to do at that point, what is logical to them. The various motives, disposition, and behavior of each individual child is incredibly complex. All of the factors in the system of a human child are of course governed by all of that child's past experience. As well as whether or not they are sick, and how hungry or tired they are. Multiply all of those infinitely complex factors by ten children in the room, and you have a system of chaos. Or rather, a system of order that is very difficult to comprehend. And even though there will of course be a mess, ultimately the order and occurrence of natural events in the universe can allow for ten small children in a room full of paint supplies.

Now apply this concept on a macro level. The universe is ultimately an ordered place, because there is no system too complex for an omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent God to comprehend. So to God, the universe is an ordered place. Imagine all of the particles that would eventually become the universe floating in space, as in definition 3 of the word 'chaos'. Ultimately, every particle in this system behaved the way it was supposed to. And this infinite system of chaos was actually an infinitely complex order, in which every particle correctly and orderly did that which is impossible for human beings to comprehend, which is, be formed into a universe. Nevertheless, they were formed, and not by accident. For if the universe is ultimately a system of order, then someone who comprehended the order had to form it. But in this situation, everything was possible, there was no limit to the possibilities, there was no good or evil yet, there was no disagreement, there was no right or wrong place for a given particle to be. And therefor in the infinite space or formless matter supposed to exist before the formation of the known universe, there was not chaos, but in fact, perfect order and harmony.

When I get the chance, I will continue by exploring the idea of a universe that is ultimately chaotic.

Reality or Madness?

I have awakened to either a higher reality or a deeper madness. One thing is certain, the world is not enough. It's not good enough, not beautiful enough, not peaceful enough, not meaningful enough.

What can be done? How shall a man live like this? These thoughts are not new. These thoughts are not unique to me. I do not think so. But, this existence is intense, dramatic. And can easily become tragedy. I was nearly destroyed, it nearly destroyed me many times. Many have been broken by this existence, by these thoughts, this need to rise above. The asylums and mental health facilities are probably full of them. I know the risks, I'm familiar with what can happen, what almost did happen, many times. But by the grace of God, i push on. I learn, I grow, I move ahead and plunge ever deeper. If indeed this is madness, it's too late for me to be cured now. I do not think this is madness. I think this is perfect sanity.

Is life itself not mad? Is conventionality not madness?

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Hasn't that been the practice of society of thousands of years? And yet we keep expecting the world to be a better place? Yet nobody does anything new. They don't try something new.

Where did these thoughts come from? Are they mine? I doubt I could have come up with all of this. It's too flawless. It's too well fit into Godly Truth. I can't find any ways that it conflicts. i can't find any seems. I'd like to, if they're there. But with this solidified idea in my mind, i can move forward.

Ah, but what is he talking about? I'd rather say in person.

The Giver

I had nothing, and i had everything. I was empty on the outside, and full on the inside. That is how i came into this world. I walked, i played, i did not consider. Life was a seashore, and I built castles by it, and broke them down. I cried, i laughed. and the Sea laughed and cried with me. My tears became a part of the Sea, and He never told me it was wrong to free them from myself.

I lost everything, but only for a second. I realized it was never mine. I realized i had no right, and now power to maintain it. In truth, i realized just what everything was, and realized i had to do something, i had to want to be part of it. So i did. Because my everything wanted to be part of me too. And once again i was as before, empty on the outside, full on the inside.


I watched the humans. Even as a child, their ways seemed strange to me. Because they wanted to be full on the outside. They wanted fullness and largeness and favor. And they wanted currency. So they got it. But they failed to realize the nature of currency, and that not all currency can be weighed in a balance or held in a measure. They never realized, that they were just trading for their currency. that every bit of it required something. Their careers, they had a cost. men would trade much for currency. their time, their love, their compassion, their ability to show weakness, their friendships. in the end, these humans would all end up the same, empty on the inside, full on the outside. But isn't that just the same as being empty completely? if a man no longer has himself, what does he have?

They told me, "You can't think like that. you have to dance, we hear music from the hands of our misguided fathers. and what can any of us do but follow? and dance the dance of our fathers, the dance of necessity, the dance of regret." Yes, they know it's wrong, they know where it will go. they know that there is no satisfaction in it. But they do it anyway. because they are still living in the shadow of their loss. they have not gained the confidence to realize that it is all theirs again.

Is there any child more foolish, than he who is adopted out of the boarding house by a king, and yet leaves the palace, and the feast, the the storehouse of riches, to go and beg for bread at the hand of the same cruel masters who so tormented him before? Who can blame them when they beat him? who can blame their mockery of him? for is he not a fool?

You have all forgotten. you came in empty on the outside, and full on the inside. And you had joy. Because Joy is not having, but giving. And that is why your Father loves you so. For without you, who is there to do the receiving?

The Way

"41. Following

When the great man learns the Way, he follows it with diligence;
When the common man learns the Way, he follows it on occasion;
When the mean man learns the Way, he laughs out loud;
Those who do not laugh, do not learn at all.

Therefore it is said:
Who understands the Way seems foolish;
Who progresses on the Way seems to fail;
Who follows the Way seems to wander.

For the finest harmony appears plain;
The brightest truth appears coloured;
The richest character appears incomplete;
The bravest heart appears meek;
The simplest nature appears inconstant.

The square, perfected, has no corner;
Music, perfected, has no melody;
Love, perfected, has no climax;
Art, perfected, has no meaning.

The Way can be neither sensed nor known:
It transmits sensation and transcends knowledge."

I don't feel the need to add anything right now.

Stereotypical post to tell you all that this is my first post and I'll be posting more later

The title pretty much says it all.